SEX IN MARRIAGE
By Pastor Steve Van Nattan
During
the 1970s I was a member of the Independent Fundamental Churches of America while
I pastored in California. The IFCA had pastors' meetings on a regular basis,
and I usually went. Sometimes there would be a good Bible message to charge
our batteries, and other times the leaders would bring in some high tooliemuck
expert to discuss something 90% of us didn't need. One time we had about
two hours of instruction in how to sort our mail. Weird, eh? Well,
for several years during my tenure there a pastor came to all the meetings, and
he imagined he was a first rate marriage counselor. His obsession was to
get all of us pastors to have a better sex life. Now, I get real nervous
about men who worry about every other guy's sex life. I get the impression
one of two things is happening: 1. The guy has a
lousy sex life and gets a buzz out of hyping sex for everyone else.
OR 2. The guy has a raging libido, a sex weary wife, and
he gets a rush out of discussing his own sex life in lofty terms-- a sort of exhibitionist
evangelical, if you like. This guy was forever pushing
books on good sex, and the leaders finally gave him the floor during a meeting.
He did everything but drop his drawers. He never actually SAID a word
about his sex life, but it was VERY clear that he was telling us all about himself
and his wife's exploits and "freedom." So, I want to examine this subject
without any of this kind of stupid mushy toying about with lust.
How
shall we do this?
Simple: Open the Word of God. Here
is what I have learned about what God thinks is good and bad sex in marriage:
TOPIC ONE: SEX AND
THE CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE:
1. Whatever a husband and wife
do in their bed chamber without shame is allowed. How can I say this?
Simply because God made no laws or codes regarding sexual positions and
methods. As I mentioned elsewhere, we can learn some important answers to
troubling questions by noting what God does NOT talk about.
I have heard that a man is not to come to his wife from behind like a dog.
I could not find this in the Old Testament. Maybe it is there in some
wording I cannot find, so if you know what I am talking about, send me the reference.
Otherwise, we must not judge one another in these things, nor do preachers
have any business telling couples what kind of sexual pleasure they can indulge.
Of course, some stupid men AND women do discuss these things
outside of their marriages. This is wicked and must stop at once. While
Solomon and his wife discussed their love for each other, there was no audience.
I am sick of seeing husbands and wives acting out affection for each other
at the church house. I have to assume that this is because they are NOT
getting along at home. If that is not the reason, then they are filthy exhibitionists
and should be publicly rebuked. The church house is NOT the bed chamber
of the saints, so foreplay by married couples in church is blasphemy.
Galatians
3:27 For as many of you as have been baptized into Christ have put on Christ.
28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there
is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.
I once had an older Christian man tell me his son-in-law was a nasty jerk.
He told me the guy, "Doesn't know which end to use." Well, I don't
exactly know what that means to him, but two things are clear. First, the
young husband's wife was talking to Daddy too much. This would destroy the
family life of the extended family from then on. Secondly, the young husband
was not showing consideration for his wife. She felt shame at whatever he
was doing, and he should have learned to settle for what made her happy. Shame
is a powerful way to destroy a lady's sexual pleasure. Having said
that, one thing is physically clear. Anal sex is unsafe. Bladder infections
result very often, and the lady is easily degraded since she is in no position
to face her husband or fully participate. It is indeed a doggie position.
Also, the filth factor is highly suspect. And again, God made the
woman's vagina elastic and thick walled so it could stretch and receive the male
organ. The rectum is hard walled, and it can be easily injured in anal sex.
All other options are, as we noted, not commented on by God or health and
physiology considerations.
2. God discouraged sex during
a woman's monthly period. Leviticus
15:24 And if any man lie with her at all, and her flowers be upon him, he shall
be unclean seven days; and all the bed whereon he lieth shall be unclean.
Leviticus 20:18 And if a man shall lie with a
woman having her sickness, and shall uncover her nakedness; he hath discovered
her fountain, and she hath uncovered the fountain of her blood: and both of them
shall be cut off from among their people. God
knows that there is either an emotional moment here which will cause trouble for
the wife, or there is a physical hazard, or both. The lady's discharge of
blood and an old egg is a kind of elimination principle. This should be
honored as such by the husband, and the lady allowed to keep her troubles to herself
at this time.
3. Sex was not to be denied between a couple
for very long. 1 Corinthians 7:5
Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may
give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt
you not for your incontinency. This wipes
out all the pious and lofty reasons for a man to hit the road as a truck driver
or evangelist and leave his wife at home. God does not allow for it. If
you disobey, you are wicked. Either take your wife along, or stay at home
buster.
4. It is not honorable to leave work and obligations
to other men to have sex if those men are abstaining. 2
Samuel 11:11 And Uriah said unto David, The ark, and Israel, and Judah, abide
in tents; and my lord Joab, and the servants of my lord, are encamped in the open
fields; shall I then go into mine house, to eat and to drink, and to lie with
my wife? as thou livest, and as thy soul liveth, I will not do this thing.
Arab men, who are acting as host to a large dinner feast,
will sometimes excuse themselves, go to their wife, have sex, and then return
to finish their meal with their guests. This is the result of the emphasis
of the libido in Islamic cultures and the Arab notion of virility. When
a man or woman have guests, or if a task in progress, it is the height of crudeness
to leave to have sex while others carry on with the matters at hand. We
have heard of this, and it is the love life of adult brats.
5.
God meant sex to be a pleasure, even without the consideration of childbirth
resulting. Song of Solomon 1:13
A bundle of myrrh is my wellbeloved unto me; he shall lie all night betwixt my
breasts. Proverbs 5:19 Let her be
as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times;
and be thou ravished always with her love.
Song of Solomon 7:8 I said, I will go up to the palm tree, I will take hold of
the boughs thereof: now also thy breasts shall be as clusters of the vine, and
the smell of thy nose like apples; Our modern
culture being different than Solomon's you men might want to be careful about
repeating this to your wife, about the smell of her nose that is. But every
wife gets delight from knowing her husband is ravished by her breasts. I
also note that there is a lot about sexual delight in Song of Solomon, but nothing
about having babies. God gave sex to humans for pleasure, with of without
babies. This is why married couples enjoy sex any time of the month, while
nearly all animals need to be stimulated by monthly cycles in the female. You
are NOT an animal, as some jerk evolutionists would like us to believe.
1 Corinthians 7:1 Now concerning the things whereof
ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 Nevertheless,
to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have
her own husband. Husbands or wives who are
not stimulated by touching have a problem. I suggest reading Song of Solomon
together and acting out the scenes. If a young lady has had warped up-bringing
by parents who dirtied sex, this may be needed on the honeymoon. It would
be a useful Bible reading experience any time for any married couple.
Conclusion: If you are married, ENJOY! That's an order
:-)
TOPIC TWO:
IS VIAGRA WICKED? We will discuss vasectomies and tube
tying in another topic for discussion. Briefly, this is only about the Pfizer
drug, VIAGRA. The following has been gleaned from a number of sources.
Viagra is a revolutionary drug, but it was at first an accident. Pfizer
was doing research on a new drug for blood pressure. It did have some effect
on the lower blood pressure number, lowering it considerably. But, Viagra
also had a strange side effect. It caused men who were experiencing erectile
disfunction to be able to have a full and lasting erection when stimulated after
taking the drug. Viagra has to be taken about 20 minutes to an hour
before sexual activity. The drug does not cause an erection automatically,
like some injections and cream applications. Nor does it have the side effect
of painful and long lasting erections. It is as close to going back to youth
as anything that has come along in this area of trouble for married men.
Viagra is reported to do nothing for a man who has normal and successful
erections and who can complete copulation normally. But, one man reported
having an erection which lasted over an hour during normal foreplay, and some
report that, while the erection was back-to-youth, the response of copulation
was still from the present timing. This resulted in very long and satisfying
play times before copulation, as well as better control in bringing the wife to
climax. Some men report that their wives can call for the pill to be taken
as a way of verbal foreplay and excitement during the day. Also, if a man
is tired, and if his wife wants a sexual event, he can still perform and make
her happy in spite of his weariness. Of course, he will really be weary
afterward, and rest would seem mandatory. The drug wears off in about
6 hours, and multiple erections, at normal intervals, can be experienced. Side
effects most common are a slight flushing of the face and neck, some heart rate
increase, and some men develop a blue tinge to their vision until the drug wears
off. While the side effects may be unnerving the first time Viagra is used,
the results in sexual satisfaction soon erase the fear of side effects. Virtually
no lasting side effects have been reported, and severe reactions are rare. Interactions
with other drugs are non-existent, unless Viagra is taken with other blood pressure
drugs frequently. Over 40 million men in the USA are using Viagra.
It is used mostly by men about 45 years of age and older who no longer can
complete a sexual experience with their wife. Many men report literally
returning to the sexual experiences of their honeymoon, and many wives are delighted
with the results. Now, here is the rub. Millions of men are using
Viagra in illicit affairs. Some of these men could not retain an erection
due to guilt over their promiscuous affairs. God made the conscience of
man so that it would interfere with sinful sex. Viagra over-rides the guilt and
lets them function normally. Other men simply could no longer "hustle" whores
anymore due to erectile dysfunction. With Viagra they can spend the whole
night in a red light district, popping Viagra to keep going. Repeating Viagra
over and over without a break is asking for problems, but there are horrible stories
of men running wild in this manner. So, is Viagra wicked?
Answer: Only if it is wicked
for an older man to still enjoy sex with the wife of his youth. We
use all sorts of drugs to accomplish things which were not possible many years
ago. We would never condemn a Christian who took advantage of progress in
medicine in this way. So, why not bring back the joys of complete copulation
in the Christian bed chamber? In fact, there are a lot of grumpy sex
starved wives who should go buy some Viagra, and give it to their husbands. It
is not hard to get a prescription for Viagra because Doctors know that there are
nearly no side effects or complications with it. One draw
back-- It is very expensive, running at about $12 a tablet. So,
buy the 100 mg size and cut it in half or in quarters. All dosage sizes
cost the same, and many men report a good result with only 25 mg. The cost
is not really that great a matter when one figures that the drug will not be used
daily by most people. Most couples have a sexual event once or twice a week,
so the cost is not like a drug being taken every day. Another brand
of this kind of drug is about to be released by some other drug company soon,
so this may force Pfizer to drop prices. You cannot accuse us at Balaam's
Ass Speaks of avoiding the issues :-)
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