WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
We received these in email, but we added a bunch more of our own.
Pat Buchanan: To steal a job from a decent, hard working American.
L.A. Police Dept.: Give us five minutes with the chicken and we'll find out.
Richard Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road. I do not know any chickens. I have never known any chickens.
Earnest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
Martin Luther King, JR.: I envision a world where chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
Karl Marx: It was an historical inevitability.
Captain James T. Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
Machiavelli: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.
Freud: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying insecurity.
Bill Gates: I have just release Chicken Coop Millennium, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Explorer is an inextricable part of this operating system.
Einstein: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
Bill Clinton: I did not cross the road with "THAT" chicken!
Billy Bob: What?! That chicken crossed the road again? Whin I catch up with her, it's the stew pot! (Hock-ptoo!)
Tennesseean: I have no idea. No chicken ever made it across this road alive.
Texan: Was this chicken traveling slow in the fast lane?
City slicker: Do chickens cross roads???
Yankee: Why do you ask?
Southerner: Does it matter?
Californian: I think I need more information.
Englishman: How do you suppose the chicken's absence from our side of the road will affect the price of tea in China?
Oklahoman: See if you can hit him on the way by with the differential so we can eat him.
Indian (Hindu): Chicken is on the vay to Nirvana where he will become a prince.
Indian (Muslim): Kill the chicken and throw him into the Hindu temple in Benares.
Jack Hyles: If the chicken doesn't get off of the road it will get run over by my Sunday School busses.
Hylesite: I don't care if the chicken crossed the road or not. Is it 100% for Hyles? That's what counts.
Lee Roberson: I have crossed thousands and thousands of roads. Anyone can cross thousands and thousands of roads. That chicken shouldn't be content with crossing just one road.
Methodist Church: Road-crossing chickens are affirmed in our churches regardless of their motives or sexual orientation.
Southern Baptist Church: Was this a Disney chicken?
John Calvin: It was foreordained and the impulse was irresistible. However, the deeper theological ramifications of this should be the subject of closer and prolonged investigation.
Benny Hinn: If I was a chicken I'd cross the road too. Now, HEAL chicken !!
Oral Roberts: If people would give more to my ministry we could find the answer to this and other important questions and the underlying motives.
Robert Schuller: The fact that the chicken wanted to cross the road shows that it was fully aware of its possibilities, and loves itself the way it is.
Chuck Swindol: The chicken has the liberty to cross the road if it wants to. We have no right to judge it for this. Grace demands that we overlook all and anything that may be wrong either with its motives or its destination.
Chuck Smith: If the chicken wants to cross the road, we should start a "road-crossing chicken ministry" and cross roads with it. This is the way to "reach" chickens.
Texe Marrs: The chicken did cross the road. We know that. But, behind this there is a much larger and more sinister conspiracy than the motives of the chicken? Was it merely a pawn in the plans of the Illuminati and the New World Order? You can find the answers to this and more in my newest book, Big Chicken Is Watching You.
Art Bell: Tonight we are talking to Dr. Fred Schnodgoozle. Doctor, this chicken was last seen entering the Bermuda Triangle with a worm in its mouth. Can you tell us what became of the chicken?
Eugene Nida or the American Bible Society: The original Greek read, "Liberal Democrat" instead of "chicken". We substituted the word "chicken" by using dynamic equivalence.
James White: It should read, "Why chick cross road?" Though some words have been removed from the original, you can find the truth of the statement if you search somewhere else for it.
The Pope: Hoc est slow pollo
Mary Baker Eddy: The chicken did not cross the road because the chicken realized that the road was an illusion.
Joseph Smith: To become a god.
Deepak Chopra: To have the feeling of self-realization and move on closer to Nirvana.
Ralph Nadar: The chicken is not safe on the road. New safety regulations are needed to insure that the chicken is not run over while crossing. Also, the chicken should have to take classes to get a permit-to-carry in case the chicken is about to lay an egg on the other side.
John Kerry: I rescued the chicken in Vietnam.
Arnold Schwartzenegger: I want a constitutional amendment allowing me to run with the chicken.
Chief of Police of Tijuana: Hola chicken, you pay $100, and I carry you across the road. Bueno, Bonito, Barato.
Frenchman: Go home, Yankee chicken.
Prime Minister Netanyahu: Shalom chicken, welcome to our coalition government.
Jesse Jackson: That is an Uncle Tom Chicken.
BBC: Reliable sources inform us that a road has been built in front of the chicken. The chicken's ambassador to the United Nations is, at this hour, presenting Resolution 934 to the General Assembly which would require the removal of all roads impeding chicken.
UN General Secretary: We need to find out someone who hates this chicken so we can invade their nation and destroy them.
Anglican vicar: Chickens have rights too. This chicken must not be in any way prevented from running across the road. Let us show a caring and pluralistic spirit as we identify with the chicken in its plight.
Mahatma Gandhi: Chicken learning to live harmoniously with chicken hawk.
Dalai Lama: Oh, happy little chicken-- he is running to find new life.
Islamic Mullah: Infidel chicken-- Come back, or we will slash your throat in the glorious name of Allah.
Alan Greenspan: The chicken slowed as it reached the third quarter of the road, so I am dropping the price of chicken feed two cents.
Col. Sanders: Quick, pass the eleven herbs and spices.
Rush Limbaugh: Fellow Americans, I am sick of all these Liberals who keep questioning the chicken's motives. For crying out loud, let the chicken enter the free market system and find the other side of the road.
Teddy Roosevelt: ( BOOM ) Fred, send the chicken around to my taxidermist.
Harry Truman: The chicken starts here.
Franklin D. Roosevelt: I hate crossing the road, Eleanor hates crossing the road, and the chicken hates crossing the road. The road is hell.
John Kennedy: Ask not why the chicken crossed the road. Ask how you can help the chicken cross the road.
Confucius: Chicken who cross road at 5 PM get very flat.
Al Gore- 1: To poop on the cooling side of the road.
Al Gore- 2: I invented the chicken.
Rick Warren: He had to- he was driven by purpose.
Barak Obama: For change
Javier Solana; We are discussing with the chicken the possible means of moving from an intransigent mobility to a more positive and respectful posture in the ongoing process of world peace. If this is not observed, we will have to consider sending the chicken to Hamas for deprogramming.
Fundamental Baptist Preacher: Chicken, if you don't tithe before you cross the road, I will fry you.
Dr. Peter S. Ruckman: Why can't you just leave the poor bird alone?!
Baral Obama: To lead the world to "fundamental change"
Your Editor, Steve Van Nattan has the answer: To lay it on the line!