Searching for the Truth in the King James Bible;
Finding it, and passing it on to you.




EDITOR:
Steve Van Nattan

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CHURCH SIGNS WHICH "RETURN VOID"

Or, "Shelling corn at the church house"

 

On this page we will be displaying church signs submitted by our readers from around the world. In the USA in recent years church signs have been dominated by clichés and silly humor and catch phrases. It is, in fact, blasphemy to do this, and while we will all see some humor in this and laugh at these silly signs, it is also tragic to see the crass Laodicean nonsense thrust forth along the wayside. This is the only message many sinners see from the alleged Bride of Christ.

We are showing no favorites here. Mongrelizing of the Truth has become notorious these days on Baptist and Charismatic church signs. The Lutherans, Presbyterians, and Reformed churches are more likely to use the Bible on their signs, though I wish they used the KJV more. I believe that the Reformers instilled a lot more of the fear of God in their followers than did the Anabaptists. Thus, 500 years later, the use of the Bible.

What is the alternative? What is the solution? How can we be (classy new speak word coming, brace yourself, this is HEAVY...) RELEVANT?

Answer in two steps:

John 12:31 Now is the judgment of this world: now shall the prince of this world be cast out.
32 And I, if I be lifted up from the earth, will draw all men unto me.

Isaiah 55:11 So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it.

On your church sign, if you want to be 100% sure God is in charge, post the Word of God, and lift up Jesus Christ. You cannot possibly have one void sign as long as you do this.

How can you help? SEND EMAIL with the words of a church sign you have seen. Send the name of the local church where the sign was seen, and tell us the city and state or province where you saw it. A digital photo attached in email will also be best. Just try to fill the photo frame with the signs and allow a bit of sky and the base mounting to help frame the photo. We can use only .jpg photos please. We are not interested in typos and obvious blunders, only premeditated sloppy agape.

We do give recognition to a few signs with the Bible on them. Send photos of those also. We should commend those who exalt the Word of God.

THUS, HERE ARE CHURCH SIGNS
WHICH WE BELIEVE ARE "RETURNED VOID"

 


So, we have the gospel of Darth Vader in Lacy, Washington
This shows the mind of the pastor there-- spaced out beyond rescue.

 


Great! The Christian life is a dripping shot of sugar and milk.
It sounds like these children are getting tired of Manna from God.

 

 


How does this theology fit with:
1 Peter 5:2 (KJV) Feed the flock of God which is among you,
taking the oversight thereof, not by constraint,
but willingly; not for filthy lucre, but of a ready mind;

 

 


The gospel according to Pluto?
2 Peter 2:22 (KJV)
But it is happened unto them according to the true proverb,
The dog is turned to his own vomit again;
and the sow that was washed to her wallowing in the mire.

 

 


This sign sent in by Bro. Mickey Trammel in Golden, Mississippi
What a revolutionary sign. Who would ever have thought of just using the
Word of God without clichés? And, there is a promise to those
who use the Word of God, which is not made to you who use
your effulgent throbbing imaginations to come up with pointless
blather, blarney, and bombast.....
Isaiah 55:11 (KJV) So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth:
it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please,
and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it.

 

 

Kingston, Tennessee

 

 

 



JESUS HAD A BILL

HE DID NOT OWE

Now, that is clever,
but does it even state a biblical truth accurately?
No, for there are bills which were not the result of sin.
So, the reader has, at best, a light weight notion
of why Jesus died on the cross.
How about....
Isaiah 53:5 But he was wounded for our transgressions,
he was bruised for our iniquities:
the chastisement of our peace was upon him;
and with his stripes we are healed.
But that would not allow the sign people
at the church to show off their creativity to
make puns and clichés.

 

 

 

 

Stormont Presbyterian Church
Belfast, Ireland




JESUS BRINGS OUT
THE WORST IN YOU
FOR GOOD

Here is an obscure pun of the worst order.
Does Jesus make good things out of evil?
That is blasphemy.
Or, does he remove the evil for good, as in forever?
Many Bible texts would make more sense.
The reader who sent it wrote:
"It makes you see why Paisley
and the Free Presbyterians left them."

 

 

Kingston, Tennessee

 

 

 



WHEN YOU ARE THE ZERO

HE IS THE ONE

This makes God only one place away from nothing.
Whereas God is infinite. This illustrates how our wisdom
would be best left out and the Word of God used to declare Truth.

 

 

United Congregational Church
GRANT, MICHIGAN



The snake was the first
to suggest autonomy--

Might be a good idea

 

It seems that the UCC now gets its inspiration from Satan.

 

 


Really? I thought Jesus was wrapped in swaddling clothes.
This is a classic example of how the Bible alone would
have looked a LOT better.
Thanks to Linda D. for sending this one.

 

 

Harriman, Tennessee

 

 

 



HAPPINESS IS AN
INSIDE JOB

A cliché from the world of criminal talk.
Happiness comes to the most wicked people.
Which means, there is more than one source of happiness.
Happiness to a Bible believer is NOT an inside job.
It is the work of the Holy Ghost.

 


I used to get around some space cadets in this
high browed politically correct mob in Michigan
while tuning pianos. I have always prided myself in my
ability to figure out the secret language of the glowing world.
Folks, I am sorry, but this one is beyond me.
Sometimes I feel like these people actually compete
with each other to see who can make the most meaningless
statements which sound profound and special.
Maybe it is all very simple--
The she bishop needs a step stool?

 

 


I know what you mean.
I have heard many of these Baptist blow hards
go on and on ad nauseum.
At least this boy is starting in the afternoon,
so the men may get home before midnight.

 

 

Four Sqaure Gospel
Kingston, Tennessee




You are not too bad to
come in
You are not too good
to stay out

This message is based on the doctrine that
says unsaved sinners are supposed to gather with the
Lord's Church. This is nowhere taught in the Bible.
This also tells us that this local church has no
standards as to who enters their fellowship.

 

 

NEWLAND, NORTH CAROLINA

 

 

 



GOD IS LIKE COCA-COLA
HE'S THE REAL THING

I think this is the most crass one of all.

 

 


United Church of Christ
Grant, Michigan

Religion
Without relevance
Is insensible




The reader comments,
"That answers a lot of questions.
The only other one I can think of is
why one sock always disappears when
you put a pair of them in the washing machine.
Maybe the sign will speak next week."

 

 


SUNNYLAND, ILLINOIS

 




Cherish the past;
Dream tomorrow;
Live today;
Worship God always

Banal, totally banal.

 

 

 

KINGSTON, TENNESSEE

 

 

 



LORD, MAKE ME THE KIND OF MAN

MY DOG THINKS I AM

The above theology is definitely going to the dogs, right?
These Baptists do not care what Jesus thinks of them.

 

 



KINGSTON, TENNESSEE



JAM WITH JESUS
Saturday night

Jam with toast for me, thank you.
This is a hippy Jesus I do not know.
2 Corinthians 11:4 For if he that cometh preacheth another Jesus,
whom we have not preached,
or if ye receive another spirit, which ye have not received,
or another gospel, which ye have not accepted,
ye might well bear with him.

 

 


BETHEL BAPTIST CHURCH

 




What part of,
"Thou Shalt Not"
don't you understand?

Our reader who sent this in made this comment:
"Boy, I think these folks have never heard the Gospel Paul preached,
or understand that we're not under the Law, but under Grace.....
I see a pattern here of what WE do, nothing about what Jesus Christ
has already DONE. Fear, quilt et al added to get your money
and drain the very life out of you!"
John 19:30 When Jesus therefore had received the vinegar, he said,
It is finished: and he bowed his head, and gave up the ghost.


 


PENTECOSTAL CHURCH
Kingston, Tennessee

 


IF YOU CANNOT SEE
THE BRIGHT SIDE
TRY POLISHING
THE DULL SIDE

Works salvation, or old timey Catholic penance?
How about a verse on confession of sin?
Do you Rhema boys ever crack a Bible?

 

 


"HICKVILLE," TENNESSEE

 




THE PURPOSE OF LIFE

IS LIFE WITH A PURPOSE

The social services lady asked little Pedro what he ate for breakfast at home.
"Beans and tortillas" said Pedro.
She asked what he ate for lunch.
"Beans and tortillas" said Pedro.
The lady was upset and asked if that is all he ever had to eat.
"Oh no," said Pedro excitedly, "For supper we have tortillas and BEANS."
And Pedro's life was about as exciting as the Baptists in the woods of Tennessee.

 

 


MISSIONARY CHURCH
North Pekin, Illinois

 



P.U.S.H.

Pray
Until Something Happens

 

This is not a biblical concept. One of God's choices when
we pray is to tell us that nothing is going to happen.
When Peter asked Christ to depart from him because
he was a sinful man, Jesus did NOT depart from Peter.
Aren't you glad he didn't?

 

 


ENSLEY CENTER, MICHIGAN






Do you want to know what
Hell is like?
Come and hear our pastor
this Sunday.

No Comment

 

 


EASTSIDE BIBLE CHURCH
North Pekin, Illinois

 



"IF YOU LOVE ME,
PROVE IT"
God

God never said this. When we claim to quote God,
we are bound to do it directly from the Word of God.
It is blasphemy to tell the world that we humans
are permitted by a dull silly God to quote him
when he never said the thing.
Like God just chuckles and thinks we are cool heads.

 

 

HARRIMAN, TENNESSEE

 

 

 



FORBIDDEN FRUITS
MAKE MANY JAMS

Frankly, I like jelly better than jams.
Maybe the fruits are the people who dream these up.

 

 

 


UNITED CHURCH OF CHRIST
Grant, Michigan




Wal-Mart isn't the only
saving place
this Christmas


What a cheezie point of reference to
Jesus Christ.

 

 



SOMEWHERE, MISSOURI



I





Yabba dabba doo,

God loves you

This religion belongs in the stoneage
with the Flintstones of Satan.

 

 


UNITED CHURCH OF CHRIST
Grant, Michigan




Our faith is 2000 years old-
Our thinking is not


So, tell me why your new thinking is supportive
of Sodomy? I gladly prefer the old time
thinking of Moses on that one.


 


What a crass cliche!

 

 


And, it came to pass...

 

 


Yawn

 

 


Great! Hell and damnation is
a mere cliche, right?

 


Puns are a lower order of humor
than cliches. A cliche can teach,
but a pun is just a clever joke.
The Church of God ain't.

 

 


Now, there is one we can believe in.

 

SLOPPY AGAPE LINKS:

MAKE YOUR OWN CHURCH SIGNS -

RENO BAPTISTS ARE INHALING TOO MUCH

CLASSIC EXAMPLE OF A TRUTH THAT
IS BEST DECLARED BY SCRIPTURE

i GUESS WE CAN TOLERATE THIS--
IT IS NOT A CLAIM TO TRUTH

HERE IS CHAOS-- The lost, and Jews, have NO idea
what the Bible context is, so all this idiot hog pen
gets is hate and suspicion. They should keep their fool
mouth shut later when the Feds infiltrate their church to
see what they are really up to.

LUTHERAN FRUITS AND NUTS

OK, LOTS SAID AND NO STUPID CLICHES-- Thanks
I trust the Gospel is inside.

DEEP, MY FRIENDS, VERY DEEP

LOOK AT THE GOOD OLD BOY IN HIS NIGHT GOWN

REALLY, I THINK WE NEED TO COME TO THESE CHURCHES WEARING
GUM BOOTS AND A MANURE SHOVEL IN HAND

A HAPPY HERETIC, BUT WHAT A SETTING

NOT A BIBLE VERSE, BUT THE GOSPEL IN ACTION-- We give them an A+

TRUNCATED, BUT THEY TRIED-- We give them an A-

WRONG VERSION, BUT THEY TRIED-- We give them a B

ANOTHER ONE FROM THE BIBLE-- Very positive message for Calvinists.

CLASSIC EXAMPLE OF THE DEPTH OF BAPTIST TEACHING THESE DAYS
Imagine if they had just used a Bible verse:
Romans 11:33 "O the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God!"

IMPLIED-- THE BIBLE IS DEAD UNTIL YOU HEAR IT FROM US
This is a very good application to the Liberal notion that the Bible becomes the
Word of God when you understand it.

CUTE POETIC COUPLET

ANOTHER STUPID PUN AT THE EXPENSE OF GOD

HERE IS A SIGN WE CAN ALL BELIEVE IN

TALK ABOUT LOWERING GOD TO THE MOST OVERUSED WORD IN THE USA....

HELP! IS THIS A CAT BOX OR A FLEA MARKET

BROTHER MARTIN, OLD MAN, PLEASE DON'T LOOK AT THIS

THE ULTIMATE RUSH-- Changing the sign

THE CHURCH OF THE IMMACULATE CROSS WORD

50,000 BAPTIST CHURCHES HAVE THIS SCHEDULE
And, you can jolly well go to hell between Sundays.

WHY NOT? THERE IS NO BIBLE THERE ANYWAY

OLD SAW SEEN ON A THOUSAND CHURCH SIGNS

FREE METHODIST PUN

CAN SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT BIBLICAL TRUTH IS TAUGHT WITH THIS?

CHARLES WESLEY WOULD PREACH THE PRINCE OF PEACE INSTEAD

HURRAH! A BIBLE VERSE, AND FROM ONE OF THE TRITE JOINTS.
I see the Bible all the time on washed out churches, while the Fundamentalists
post silliness and clichés. I believe devils run Fundamental churches these
days, by and large.

HERE IS A LIE
HERE IS THE TRUTH,
Matthew 12:37 "For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned."

MY MOTHER IN LAW USED TO SAY, "A pun is the lowest form of humor"
She thought my puns were a bit silly, but she should have seen this sign.

AND, TO HELL WITH THE GOSPEL

FOUR GREAT INCLUSIVE ILLUSIVE WORDS

CLEVER, FUNNY, BUT WHERE IT THE BIBLE ON CREATION?
This is a classic case of blather which will return void in the end.

I FEEL LIKE I STEPPED IN SOMETHING

A+ -- A BIBLE VERSE FOR A CHANGE
And, it is almost always on an Evangelical church
because Fundamentalists are such big mouthed show offs.

WHAT BLASPHEMOUS LUNACY!!

I WONDER IF JESUS EVER GETS BILLING ON THE SIGN

SO CUTE, AND SO TRITE

THIS BLASPHEMY BRINGS INTO QUESTION
THE SALVATION OF THE IDIOT WHO HATCHED IT

HUH?

CHEAP PLAY ON HOLLYWOOD SPEAK

CORRECT, BUT IT WILL RETURN VOID BY BEING FORGOTTEN QUICKLY

CLASSICALLY DULL, DIDDLY, AND DUMB METHODISTS
I would love to get Charles Wesley back to deal with these people for a few days.

RAP MENTALITY

MONGREL PATRIOTIC BLATHER

BUNCH OF WORDS PROBABLY NO ONE READ

KINDERGARTEN PUZZLE CHRISTIANITY

HEAVY, BABY, VERRRRRY HEAVY
Fits so well with a tongues chattering joint

THE AOG IS DAMNED TO HELL

ANOTHER A+ FOR A HICK IN THE WOODS COC CHURCH
I just wish they would leave the water out of the Gospel,
and just be satisfied with the Blood of Jesus.

THESE GOD HATERS LIVE THEIR DAMNATION

JACK ASS SIGN OF THE CENTURY
What does "get saved" mean to the guy in a Ford driving by?
Answer: Nothing. All he sees is, "Go to hell."

THIS EPISCOPAL CHURCH'S PASTOR HAS TO BE A CLOSET BAPTIST !

BLOOPER, BUT SHOWS SOMEONE HAS A VERY LOW IQ

CRASS JERKS

 

Now, its your turn--
Watch for signs, and SEND THEM TO US PLEASE

 

 

 

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