STARTING
OVER
After Unsaved Days and Bad Fruit,
How do I
Find a Husband?
By Pastor Steve Van Nattan
This is a sincere and rational question. I don't think most Christian leaders would want to deal with this. But, some people come to Christ AFTER they have an investment in the unsaved life with its fruit. We dare not cast these people aside because their situations are tough.
YOU ASKED:
Dear Steve,
What about a single mom who's been a Christian for nearly six years and has been pure for the same amount of time but is having a difficult time not "dating"? I'm speaking of myself, of course. I was not brought up in a Christian home and did not have much moral guidance.
I have a past that includes a short-lived marriage and a wonderful 12 year old, also a 5 year old from a relationship that ended after I accepted Christ. It seems hard to believe that I could find a man that believes in courtship principles that is my age and is willing to accept the past, too.
I know there are plenty of Christian men that will date, but I've never felt that casual dating was God's way.... perhaps this is because I was an unbeliever for most of my life and have experienced all of the pain of dating and unrighteous relationships and their consequences.
Even though my mom is still an unbeliever (she believes in God but thinks all good people will got to heaven... no conviction or belief in Jesus) and my father has passed away, I've asked my mom if she'd humor me and be involved in a courtship process if the time comes. She agreed. I told her that if she doesn't feel the man is appropriate for me, I will honor her opinion.
What do you think? Do others like me share their frustrations with you?
E.
ANSWER:
This would be rather difficult in some ways if you had not been married in the past. Many pastors and "Christian counselors" will tell you that you can now go on with a courtship process. Some would even tell you that your zeal to include your Mom is pointless. There is a higher calling, and Jesus Christ Himself made this standard.
The issue in your situation is that you have been married, and, in God's eyes, you are still married. It matters not that the world, and most of Christendom, would say you are now free-- You are NOT. Let Jesus tell you what is your responsibility:
Matthew 19:1 And it came to pass, that when Jesus had finished these sayings, he departed from Galilee, and came into the coasts of Judaea beyond Jordan; 2 And great multitudes followed him; and he healed them there. 3 The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? 4 And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, 5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? 6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. 7 They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away?
Matthew 19:8 He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. 9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. 10 His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry. 11 But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given. 12 For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.
So, the most godly gentleman who would marry you would at once become a adulterer. Again, Jesus speaks.
Mark 10:11 And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her. 12 And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery. 13 And they brought young children to him, that he should touch them: and his disciples rebuked those that brought them. 14 But when Jesus saw it, he was much displeased, and said unto them, Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God.
So, YOU will also be adultery as soon as you marry again. The only husband you have is the one you first married. God did not make other arrangements. The "fornication" reason for divorce and remarriage is null and void today. Why? Answer: This "fornication" was NOT adultery. These two words are NOT the same in Greek, and Jesus used "fornication" on purpose. "Fornication" in Jesus' day was ONLY used to describe acts of sex BEFORE marriage, as is often the same today. This "fornication" could be at two points in time. First, it could be during the person'a life coming up to the new relationship. Second, it could be during the betrothal. Betrothal during Jesus' day was final, not experimental, as is the case today. Also, the lady was called the "wife" as soon as the betrothal was formalized by the parents.
So, adultery by one partner of a marriage is NEVER allowed as an excuse for divorce by God's Word. Thus, you now have the opportunity to stay pure and faithful to your husband which you first married. You may well be rewarded in this life with delightful fruit, as a number of couples have been, or you may receive your reward at the throne of Christ. in any case, you must now seek the restoration of your first marriage with NO exceptions.
If YOU initiated the divorce, NO excuse you and a Christian shrink dream up can vindicate that act. You sinned against your husband, and you should confess that sin to the Lord and to your husband. If he is now remarried, his second marriage is of NO account to God-- It is adultery.
Feel free to suggest that your husband contact me if he would like to repent and be born again and restore his proper marriage and home with you. I will consider NO other plan.
God will bless you as you do what is right and holy. Also, your children will see your zeal, and they will have a much better chance of avoiding becoming statistical repeat divorce people later in life. This is the horror of divorce-- It teaches young people to do the same as Mom or Dad.
You can read more on this subject from my sermon, DIVORCE AND REMARRIAGE
So, the answer to the above question is:
You don't find another
husband--
You stay faithful to the one God gave you.
