NAVIGATE THIS JOURNAL
HOME - TABLE OF CONTENTS - WAR ROOM - THE GOSPEL - BIBLE STUDY - HUMOR
MORAL ISSUES - KING JAMES BIBLE - CULTS - PROPHECY - WORLD AFFAIRS -
QUIET PLACE - STEVE'S YARNS - BIO OF EDITOR - HEALTH - LADIES' PAGE - HEROES

DO YOU FIND THIS JOURNAL SHOCKING? WE OWE YOU AN EXPLANATION.

 

STRAIGHT FROM TEXAS

Texas is the only state in the USA that does not export its inflation.
We wipe it out by raising production and by exporting.
What is our main export?
Answer: Attitude- Help yourself- It could save America

It is time to introduce my readers to The Republic of Texas. The United States was annexed to Texas in 1845 if they behave themselves. The other 49 states are still on probation. Texas is the only state in the USA that entered the union by a treaty.

Most of these stories are based in fact and history, and most of them have been subjected to a little stretching of the blanket to help you appreciate them more.

It's A Texan Thing

Here are some little known, very interesting facts about Texas:

1. Port Arthur to El Paso : 889 miles. Port Arthur to Chicago: 770 miles
2. Brownsville to Texline (north of Amarillo): 956 miles. Texline to Canada: 960 miles
3. El Paso is closer to California than to Dallas
4. World's first rodeo was in Pecos, Tx July 4, 1883.
5. The Flagship Hotel in Galveston is the only hotel in North America built over water. Destroyed by Hurricane Ike - 2008!
6. The Heisman Trophy was named after John William Heisman who was the first full-time coach at Rice University in Houston, Texas .
7. Brazoria County has more species of birds than any other area in North America.
8. Aransas Wildlife Refuge is the winter home of North America 's only remaining flock of whooping cranes.
9. Jalapeno jelly originated in Lake Jackson in 1978.
10. The worst natural disaster in US history was in 1900, caused by a hurricane in which over 8,000 lives were lost on Galveston Island.
11. The first word spoken from the moon, July 20, 1969, was " Houston ," but the Space Center was actually in Clear Lake City at the time.
12. The King Ranch in South Texas is larger than Rhode Island.
13. Tropical Storm Claudette brought a US rainfall record of 43" in 24 hours in and around Alvin in July of 1979.
14. Texas is the only state to enter the US by TREATY, (known as the Constitution of 1845 by the Republic of Texas to enter the Union ) instead of by annexation. This allows the Texas Flag to fly at the same height as the US Flag, and Texas may choose to divide into 5 states.
15. A Live Oak tree near Fulton is estimated to be 1500 years old.
16. Caddo Lake is the only natural lake in the state.
17. Dr Pepper was invented in Waco in 1885. There is no period in Dr Pepper.
18. Texas has had six capital cities: Washington-on-the Brazos, Harrisburg , Galveston , Velasco, West Columbia and Austin .
19. The Capitol Dome in Austin is the only dome in the US which is taller than the Capitol Building in Washington , DC (by 7 feet).
20. The San Jacinto Monument is the tallest free standing monument in the world and it is taller than the Washington Monument .
21. The name ' Texas ' comes from the Hasini Indian word 'tejas' meaning "friends". Tejas is NOT Spanish for Texas .
22. The State Mascot is the Armadillo. An interesting bit of trivia about the armadillo is they always have four babies. They have one egg, which splits into four, and they either have four males or four females.
23. The first domed stadium in the US was the Astrodome in Houston.
24. The Beck family ranch land grant is one days ride by horse (25 miles) in each direction from the headquarters.
25. The name of the XIT ranch in Dalhart Texas stands for "ten in texas". That means 10 counties in Texas!

 

INTRODUCTION TO TEXAS

 

GOOD THINGS HAPPEN IN TEXAS PRISONS

 

DEAL WITH IT, HONEY, AND..... DON'T MESS WITH TEXAS

 

HOW DID DAD AND MOM FIGHT BORECOM IN OLD TEXAS?

 

GRAVE CONSIDERATION

 

You may have heard on the news about a Southern California man who was put under 72-hour psychiatric observation when it was found he owned 100 guns and allegedly had 100,000 rounds of ammunition stored in his home. The house also featured a secret escape tunnel. By Southern California standards, someone owning 100,000 rounds is considered "mentally unstable." BUT ...

In Michigan, he'd be called "the last white guy still living in Detroit.
In Arizona, he'd be called "an avid gun collector."
In Arkansas, he'd be called "a novice gun collector."
In Utah, he'd be called "moderately well prepared," but they'd probably reserve judgment until they made sure that he had a corresponding quantity of stored food.
In Kansas, he'd be "A guy down the road you would want to have for a friend."
In Wyoming or Montana, he'd be called "The neighborhood 'Go-To' guy."
In Idaho, he'd be called "a likely gubernatorial candidate."
In Georgia, he'd be called "an eligible bachelor."
In North Carolina, Virginia, WV, Mississippi, Tennessee, Kentucky, South Carolina, Wisconsin, and Minnesota he would be called "a deer huntin' buddy."
In Vermont he would be called "the guy with the grandfathered basement."
In Hawaii, New York, Illinois, and New Jersey he would be called a terrorist
AND OF COURSE,
In Texas, he'd just be "Bubba; who's a little short on Ammo."

 

HUNTING FERAL HOGS IN TEXAS [CAUTION- GRAPHIC]

 

WARNING

 

HOME SCHOOLING IN TEXAS

Most Texans, 50 and up, were HOME SCHOOLED in many ways .

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My father taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why ."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My father taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times, don't exaggerate!"
13. My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out..."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it from your father when you get home!"
18 . My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My father taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand.
25. My father taught me about JUSTICE .
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
26. My father taught me CULLINARY ESTHETICS
"You are going to eat that squash, or you are going to wear it."
27. My father taught me to TAKE CARE OF MY TOOLS
"If you leave that shovel out in the weather again, you are going to sleep with it."

 

DON'T MESS WITH TEXAS

 

HOW MANY STATES SING ABOUT THEIR GOVERNOR?

 

THIS OLD GUITAR AND ME

 

HOW TO YOU SELL A TEXAN YOUR GOODS?
YOU MAKE HIM PROUD OF TEXAS.

 

CHITO-- A TEXAN WHO STANDS TALL IN DEL RIO, TEXAS

I had to watch this one more than once. You need to go to Texas Country Reporter, and watch more of these feel good videos about Texas, especially you Liberal Democrats who mock and kick at Texas. We have some of the world's most special people here.

 

CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS PRESENTS TEXAS

One of the most nasty Atheists on earth recently entered eternity, and I suspect he has some deep regrets about his use of his life spiritually. But, I was amazed to see his very excellent documentary on Texas. I think he rather fairly dealt with all the sides of Texas life.

 

MILES AND MILES OF TEXAS

OK, this is a little crazy, but I like these folks from Natchitoches, Texas.
If you think I could have found a better one, tough..... Deal with it.

 

IT IS OK TO COME FROM ARKANSAS
TO GET COMFORTABLE IN TEXAS

It is shouting time in Siloam Spring, Arkansas

Cain't do with just one honey.....

 

FROM A CATHOLIC MISSION IN WEST TEXAS

Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new west Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside.

He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local sheriff.

The conversation went like this:

"Good morning. This is Sheriff Jones. How might I help you?"

"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann 's Catholic Church. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o'yer lads to take care of the matter?"

Sheriff Jones, considering himself quite a wit and recognizing the foreign accent, thought he would have a little fun with the good father, replied.....

"Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!"

There was dead silence on the line for a long moment. Father O'Malley then replied:

"Aye, 'tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for me call."

 

FOR READERS FROM TEXAS.....

Here is some food for thought, especially the response from the banking guru on keeping the brightest immigrants instead of running them back across the border. This may explain why Rick Perry is so reluctant to jump on the knee jerk far right immigration band wagon. I have felt that the really bright immigrants should be kept here, and some not so academic immigrants also could fill a place in the destiny of the State.

Tell me, how many of your kids or grandkids want to pick lettuce or work on road crews in 120 degrees? There simply needs to be a politically incorrect standard set up in which we decide who we need and who we do not need, and send the rest home. Other nations in the world do this.

Why do we need to punish ourselves by taking losers and physically weak people here. If we want to show them compassion, go to the effort to send Peace Corp people, or other aid personnel, to Mexico and help them out of their sorrows at home. The idea that we are morally obligated to support all the world's indigents is madness. This plan depends 100% of you and me being suckers and feeling guilty because someone in Bangladesh is hungry. The only guilt we need to feel is if we could do something about the hungry people but do nothing. Trolling for all the hungry people in the world, and inviting them to come and live as dependents in America, is madness and will result in all of us being hungry in the end.

 

TEXANS DON'T FORGET, EVEN THE TOUGH MEMORIES

As FEMA builds camps in every state to inure people they refuse to identify now, we in Texas better not forget when the US Government turned a city in Texas into an unjust and shameful place to abuse American citizens. Do we need to bulldoze the FEMA camps now before they again become purgatory to American citizens? Are we so helpless in Texas that we cannot do just some things for ourselves?

 

 

EVEN THOUGH THERE IS NO SUCH NEWSPAPER IN HOUSTON,
THE STORY SURE SOUNDS LIKE TEXAS

THE HOUSTON HERALD NEWSPAPER
IN HOUSTON, TEXAS March 5th, 2009

Last Thursday night round midnight, a woman in Houston, Texas was arrested, jailed, and charged with manslaughter for shooting a man 6 times in the back as he was running away with her purse.

The following Monday morning, the woman was called in front of the arraignment judge, sworn in, and asked to explain her actions. The woman replied, "I was standing at the corner bus stop for about 15 minutes, waiting for the bus to take me home after work. I am a waitress at a local cafe. I was there alone, so I had my right hand on my pistol, that was in my purse, that was hung over my left shoulder. "All of a sudden I was being spun around hard to my left. As I caught my balance, I saw a man running away from me with my purse.

I looked down at my right hand and I saw that my fingers were wrapped tightly around my pistol. The next thing I remember is saying out loud, 'No way punk! Your not stealing my pay check and tips.'

I raised my right hand, pointed my pistol at the man running away from me with my purse, and squeezed the trigger of my pistol six times!"

When asked by the arraignment judge, "Why did You shoot the man six times?" the woman replied under oath, "Because, when I pulled the trigger of my pistol the seventh time, it only went click."

The woman was acquitted of all charges. And she was back at work, at the cafe, the next day!

Editor: If this had happened, according to Texas law, the woman would have had the right to pursue the thief as long as he was in possession of the purse. The gun simply relieved her of the unnecessary stress of running while shooting.

 

TEXANS CAN MESS WITH EACH OTHER THOUGH

Back in 1971, Rep. Tom (not "Tim") Moore, Jr. of Waco, Texas, knowing that his fellow legislators in the Texas House of Representatives often passed bills and resolutions without fully reading or understanding them, pulled an April Fool's joke on the House by sponsoring a resolution commending Albert de Salvo for his unselfish service to "his county, his state and his community." The resolution read, in part:

This compassionate gentleman's dedication and devotion to his work has enabled the weak and the lonely throughout the nation to achieve and maintain a new degree of concern for their future. He has been officially recognized by the state of Massachusetts for his noted activities and unconventional techniques involving population control and applied psychology.

The joke, of course, was that Albert de Salvo was more commonly known as the Boston Strangler, assumed to be responsible for the murders of thirteen women in the Boston area between 1962 and 1964. Technically, de Salvo was never convicted or put on trial for any of those killings, he was sentenced to life in prison for sexual assaults on several other women and confessed to the thirteen murders as well. He was stabbed to death in prison in 1973, and whether he actually committed the murders he confessed to has been a subject of controversy ever since. As he expected, Rep. Moore saw his resolution passed unanimously; he then withdrew it and explained that he had offered the motion only to demonstrate a point. A bit of sardonic humor offered at the time claimed that perhaps Moore was wrong: maybe the legislators had been paying attention.

Although we would hope our elected representatives would pay enough attention to their jobs not to pass resolutions commending murderers, that Moore's stunt succeeded wasn't necessarily as outrageous as it might seem. Federal and state legislators see a steady stream of resolutions that have no real legal impact and are offered mostly as public relations measures on behalf of one group or another. Poring over each and every one would take an inordinate amount of a legislator's time (especially in states like Texas where the legislature might be in session only every two years, creating a large number of bills and resolutions to be voted upon in a very short time.) If a fellow legislator introduces a resolution to honor some favored person or group, you're expected to rubber stamp it as a gesture of good wil, after all, you'll want him to return the favor when you need to boost your popularity with your constituents by extending similar honors to some of them.

 

ALMOST IN TEXAS
Louisiana-- Louisiana Cajun Band - Jimmy C. Newman

This is the land of the Bowie knife invented by Colonel James "Jim" Bowie and made famous in Texas as a better fighting weapon than a gun..... until, that is, the Colt revolver was invented. It is now specifically forbidden to carry a "Bowie knife" anywhere in the arms law of Texas. That is how deadly they are. So, we now settle for a Colt 45. Get caught with a Bowie knife on you in Texas, and you will at least lose the knife to the sheriff's deputy, and you may end up being given free rent on the state for a couple of weeks mandatory vacation in one of Texas' famous resorts funded by the tax payers.

LIKE THEY SAY, "DON'T MESS WITH TEXAS."

Having told that in the politically correct manner, I must admit that there are a lot of Bowie knives on the loose in Texas. Most of them hang on the wall all the time, which is legal. I few go hunting in old pickup trucks where they are used to kill feral by idiots who don't know any better and crave a visit to ER. It is something about testosterone and Bud Lite.

 

GUARD DOG ON DUTY AT OUR PLACE
And his apprentice

SOMETIMES TEXAS IS TOO MUCH FOR FOLKS

Which reminds me of the day we went to Tulsa from Briartown when we lived in Oklahoma along the Canadian River. I heard a horrible racket, and I asked my Dad what it was. He pointed to an old car moving slowly down the main boulevard of Tulsa, and I looked close and realized the guy had no tires on his car. Dad said the guy was left over poor from the Great Depression and could not afford tires. The police had not pulled him over yet. Things will sure change again if the USA goes south economically. The ones who survive will be those who learn to make do.

The same day in Tulsa I saw a car with a chain dangling from the read axle and dragging the ground. That too was left over from the Dust Bowl when cars build up huge static charges from dust blowing that knocked people on the ground when they grabbed the door handle.

 

TEXAS IS A GREAT TOURIST ATTRACTION

We complain and gripe in Texas about "illegals".....
Unless they pick lettuce for us,
Unless they break horses for our ranchers,
Unless they cook fajitas and chile rellenos in our favorite Mexican restaurant for us,
Unless they drive fence posts for us,
Unless the illegal baby they have here becomes a US Senator- Then we brag on him,
Unless they work on road crews at 112 degrees in the sun for us,
Unless they go back to Mexico and send their uncle to take their place.....
Otherwise Mexicans are going to take over Texas sooo nuff.
You can never be too careful, son.

 

TEXAS BEER JOINT SUES A BAPTIST CHURCH

In a small Texas town, ( Mt. Vernon ) Drummond's bar began construction on a new building to increase their business.

The local Baptist church started a campaign to block the bar from opening with petitions and prayers.

Work progressed right up till the week before opening when lightning struck the bar and it burned to the ground.

The church folks were rather smug in their outlook after that, until the bar owner sued the church on the grounds that the church was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, either through direct or indirect actions or means.

The church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection to the building's demise in its reply to the court.

As the case made its way into court, the judge looked over the paperwork. At the hearing he commented, 'I don't know how I'm going to decide this, but as it appears from the paperwork, we have a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that does not.'

 

AND, WHEN WE MOVED FROM ROANE COUNTY, TENNESSEE TO
BOOGIE BACK TO TEXAS, I SOLD MY HOT ROD 1977 LINCOLN.

HERE ARE ELIZABETH AND I AT ROANE COUNTY PARK
IN TENNESSEE WITH THE LINCOLN.

SO, LIFE IS GOOD IN TEXAS, BUT I SURE DO MISS THAT LINCOLN.
NOW, SOME NICE BAPTIST WHO HAS FALLEN BEHIND ON HIS TITHES
SHOULD CONSIDER SENDING ME ANOTHER HOT ROD LINCOLN.
PREFER 1977-1979, BUT ANY LINCOLN WILL DO. I AIN'T PICKY.

 

TEXAS YOUNG MEN ARE NOT DUMB ENOUGH
TO START A CAREER THIS WAY. Watch for the last screen shot.

 

TEXAS' CLOSEST NEIGHBORS TELL STORIES TOO

I am talking about the Cajuns from Louisiana. Cajuns are just as good
at stretching the blanket as us Texans.

HERE IS A CAJUN STORY THAT IS PRICELESS

GOING TO TEXAS

Germans with an attitude..... welcome.

 

JOHN LOMAX AND LEADBELLY-- GOOD PEOPLE IN TEXAS

 

GOVERNMENT MAN BEAT AT HIS GAME BY A TEXAS RED NECK

A redneck with a bucket full of live fish, was approached recently by a game warden in Texas as he started to drive his boat away from a lake.

The game warden asked the man, "May I see your fishing license please?"

"Naw, sir," replied the redneck. "I don't need none of them there papers. These here are my pet fish."

"Pet fish!?!?"

"Yep. Once a week, I bring these here fish o'mine down to the lake and let 'em swim 'round for a while. Then when I whistle, they swim right back into my net and I take 'em home."

"What a line of baloney....you're under arrest."

The redneck said, "It's the truth, Mr. Gov'ment man. I'll show ya! We do this all the time!!"

"WE do, now, do WE?" smirked the warden. "PROVE it!"

The redneck released the fish into the lake and stood and waited.

After a few minutes, the warden said, "Well?"

"Well, WHUT?" said the redneck.

The warden asked, "When are you going to call em back?"

"Call who back?"

"The FISH," replied the warden!

"Whut fish?" asked the redneck.

 

TEXAS APOCRYPHA????

 

THANK YOU JAMES

March 9, 2013

James, a student at Lone Star College in Houston, along with two friends, took down the killer today.

James, my friend, you are a real Texan. America worries about what to do about gun violence, Well, you learned graphically that violence can be had many ways. If our leaders would exalt the righteous, the valiant, and the bright folks, we would need to outlaw no weapons. After all, this creep used a box knife, not a machine gun.

The long tradition in Texas that whoever is on hand when violent men attack is totally qualified to take charge. You simply have kept the Texas tradition up to date.

Thank you, James

 

TECHNOLOGY IN TEXAS

I read somewhere that some archaeologists recently made a dig in San Francisco. They dug down about twenty feet, and they found a mess of copper wire. They dated it, and decided it was over 100 years old. From this they deduced that San Francisco had an advanced communications system over one hundred years ago.

So, I went out back on my property and did my own dig.

Well, you don't dig much keeper than four feet in the Texas Hill Country because of the rocks. If you want to dig deeper than that, you need an explosives permit and a couple sticks of dynamite.

I found no copper wire nor any indications of technology in my dig, so using the logic of the alleged science of archaeology, I determined that Texas was way ahead of San Francisco one hundred years ago.

Texas was already wireless.

 

KEEP MOVING, PARTNER

I like to walk from our ranch (er, ranchito) out to the main road, about a mile, especially when I have spent too much time sitting here clacking the keys to keep you Gringos amused for a few hours. It clears the mind.

Well, the other day I was on a walk, and I saw that the Democrats are back. By Democrats I refer to the Turkey Vultures that sit in the trees around here this time of year. I had noticed a lot of animal skeletons laying around on previous walks, and I gathered that those feathered Democrats were hanging around over a curve in the road where slow critters were hit by speeding Billy Bobs in their old pickup trucks.

Well, the other day, on my walk, I had stopped to look at something, and I glanced up at the Democrat birds in the trees. Everyone of those vultures had his head cocked keeping an eye on me to see if I was fixing to drop dead. I do believe they were reading the menu, and I was the menu.

At once I commenced to jump about and wave my arms and get to walking fast. Those varmints did not believe me. They kept looking at me like a flank steak on the griddle. So, in desperation, I yelled, "Adjourned." On hearing this, those Democrat vultures hopped into the air, and the whole quorum flew away.

Moral: When you are in Texas, KEEP MOVING.

 

HEY, OLD WOMAN, HAVE YOU EVER DANCED?

I just love a story with a happy ending, don't you? This one comes courtesy of a friend who sent it via email instead of posting it – I suppose she didn’t want to put her name on it, but I’m happy to retell it!

The story takes place in a brushy country south of San Antonio, Texas, sometime in the past. It starts when a tired, dusty old woman rode in on an equally dusty and old pack mule. She tied the old mule to the hitching post. As she stood there, brushing some of the dust from her face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

The young gunslinger looked at the old woman and laughed, "Hey old woman, have you ever danced?"

The old woman looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No, I never did dance... I never really wanted to."

A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old bag, you're gonna dance now," and started shooting at the old woman's feet. Not wanting to get her toe blown off, the old prospector started hopping around while the crowd laughed. When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.

The old woman turned to her pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers. The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air. The crowd stopped laughing immediately.

The young gunslinger heard the sounds, too, and he turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening. The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old woman and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels.

The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old woman's hands, as she politely said, "Son, have you ever kissed a mule's ass?"

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No M'am... but I've always wanted to."

 

ADVICE FROM THE TEXAS HILL COUNTRY

Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.

Keep skunks, bankers, lawyers, and politicians at a distance.

Life is simpler when you mow AROUND the stump. The alternative is why there is a very successful store chain named "Tractor Supply."

A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.

Words that soak into your ears are whispered…...not yelled.

Meanness don't just happen overnight.

Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.

Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.

It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.

You cannot unsay a cruel word.

Every path has a few puddles.

No sensible skunk sprays upwind.

When you wallow with pigs, the pigs love it, and you get real dirty.

The best sermons are lived, not preached.

Most of the stuff people worry about, ain't never gonna happen anyway.

Don 't judge a fellow by his relatives or horse.

Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

Live a good and honorable life, then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.

Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't bothering you none.

Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.

The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.

Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly, and leave the rest to God.

Don't pick a fight with an old man.

If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you.

Don't drink and drive in Williamson County unless you need a vacation real bad. Their jail is a regular resort area.

 

WHY DO WE SHOOT DEER IN THE WILD IN TEXAS?

(A letter from someone who wants to remain anonymous, who ranches, writes well, and actually tried this)

I had this idea that I could rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it. The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that, since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.

I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were not having any of it. After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up-- 3 of them. I picked out a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw my rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me. I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a good hold.

The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation. I took a step towards it, it took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope, and then received an education. The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope.

That deer EXPLODED. The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight down with a rope and with some dignity. A deer-- no Chance. That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no controlling it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I had originally imagined. The only upside is that they do not have as much stamina as many other animals.

A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head. At that point, I had lost my taste for corn-fed venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature off the end of that rope.

I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die slow and painfully somewhere. At the time, there was no love at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing, and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual. Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in. I didn't want the deer to have to suffer a slow death, so I managed to get it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder - a little trap I had set before hand...kind of like a squeeze chute. I got it to back in there and I started moving up so I could get my rope back.

Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a million years would have thought that a deer would bite somebody, so I was very surprised when ..... I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist. Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they just bite you and slide off to then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head--almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts.

The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was ineffective.

It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds. I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now), tricked it. While I kept it busy tearing the tendons out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose.

That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day.

Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp... I learned a long time ago that, when an animal -like a horse --strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape.

This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different strategy. I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run. The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head. Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice as strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down.

Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head.

I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away. So now I know why when people go deer hunting they bring a rifle with a scope......to sort of even the odds!!

All these events are true so help me God...

An Educated Rancher

 

TEXANS KNOW HOW TO EXPRESS THEMSELVES MIGHTILY
WITHOUT USING THE "F" OR "S" WORDS OR BLASPHEMING
GOD WITH A DOZEN "OMG"s.

 

TALYOR, TEXAS AND LOUIE MEULLER'S BAR B QUE

Proverbs 24:21 My son, fear thou the LORD and the king:
and meddle not with them that are given to change:
Why is it that people who do not tolerate change in their Bar B Que'd brisket
will run from fad church to fad church to find a perpetual "new thing?"
Acts 17:21 For all the Athenians and strangers which were there spent their time in nothing else, but either to tell, or to hear some new thing.

 

 

REAL TEXANS DON'T ALL WEAR SPURS

Dan Moody was the County Prosecutor for Williamson County who made the first successful conviction of Ku Klux Klan members in US History, later to become Attorney General of Texas, and even later, at age 31 to be elected the youngest governor in Texas history.

But when Moody was sixteen he applied to University of Texas Law School. He was turned down, not because he did not have good grades and prospects, but simply because he was too young. He got a job with a local power company and was a lineman for a year, and a good one. The power company was impressed with Moody's hard work.

One one hot humid day, a common specialty in central Texas, Moody was hanging on a power pole sweating and working. He heard a woodpecker hammering away nearby, and Moody climbed down, resigned from the power company and reapplied to University of Texas Law School.

Later, when asked what made him decide to quit and reapply, Moody said, "I figured that if a woodpecker could make a living using his head, so could I."

This will explain why, if you are a free loader and gold brick, that is, if you have chosen as a life calling to be a lazy slob, Texas will make it very hard for you to get a free lunch forever in Texas.

DEAL WITH IT

 

GIVEN THE LIBERAL BENT IN RECENT YEARS OF THE BBC (British Broadcasting Corporation),
I WAS AMAZED AT THE FAIRNESS OF THIS VIDEO. AMERICAN LIBERALS NEED TO UNDERSTAND THAT IN TEXAS, AND MANY OTHER STATES, WHERE GUNS ARE COMMONLY OWNED, AND WHERE THE CASTLE DOMAIN LAWS ARE IN FORCE, THERE IS ALMOST NO VIOLENT CRIME OUTSIDE THE WORST PARTS OF OUR CITIES. EVEN IN OUR CITIES, OUR CRIME RATE IS MUCH LOWER THAN IN YOUR LIBERAL HELL HOLES. COMPARE CHICAGO TO DALLAS OR AUSTIN.
WATCH THE VIDEO, AND PLEASE CONSIDER YOUR OWN SAFETY.
IF YOU THINK TEXAS IS MAD, THEN PLEASE STAY IN YOUR STATE OF ILLUSION.

 

The flag must fly with the red down because red runs, and Texans never run.

End Video

 

"They say that Virginia is the mother of Texas.
We never knew who the father was, but we kinda suspected Tennessee." -
Tex Ritter.....
Singing, "I've got the Texas blues"

 

FACTS THAT TELL YOU IF YOU ARE FROM TEXAS

JUST TEXAS

Pep , Texas 79353
Smiley , Texas 78159
Paradise , Texas 76073
Rainbow , Texas 76077
Sweet Home , Texas 77987
Comfort , Texas 78013
Friendship, Texas 76530

Love the Sun?
Sun City , Texas 78628
Sunrise , Texas 76661
Sunset, Texas 76270
Sundown, Texas 79372
Sunray , Texas 79086
Sunny Side , Texas 77423

Want something to eat?
Bacon , Texas 76301
Noodle , Texas 79536
Oatmeal , Texas 78605
Turkey , Texas 79261
Trout , Texas 75789
Sugar Land , Texas 77479
Salty, Texas 76567
Rice , Texas 75155
Pearland , Texas 77581
Orange , Texas 77630

And top it off with:
Sweetwater , Texas 79556

Why travel to other cities? Texas has them all!
Detroit , Texas 75436
Cleveland , Texas 75436
Colorado City , Texas 79512
Denver City , Texas 79323
Klondike , Texas 75448
Nevada , Texas 75173
Memphis , Texas 79245
Miami , Texas 79059
Boston , Texas 75570
Santa Fe , Texas 77517
Tennessee Colony , Texas 75861
Reno , Texas 75462
Pasadena , Texas 77506
Columbus , Texas 78934

Feel like traveling outside the country?
Athens , Texas 75751
Canadian, Texas 79014
China , Texas 77613
Egypt , Texas 77436
Ireland , Texas 76538
Italy , Texas 76538
Turkey , Texas 79261
London , Texas 76854
New London , Texas 75682
Paris , Texas 75460
Palestine , Texas 75801

No need to travel to Washington D.C.
Whitehouse , Texas 75791

We even have a city named after our planet!
Earth , Texas 79031

We have a city named after our state
Texas City , Texas 77590

Exhausted?
Energy , Texas 76452

Cold?
Blanket , Texas 76432
Winters, Texas

Like to read about History?
Santa Anna , Texas
Goliad , Texas
Alamo , Texas
Gun Barrel City , Texas
Robert Lee , Texas

Need Office Supplies?
Staples, Texas 78670

Want to go into outer space?
Venus , Texas 76084
Mars , Texas 79062

You guessed it.. It's on the state line.
Texline , Texas 79087

For the kids...
Kermit , Texas 79745
Elmo , Texas 75118
Nemo , Texas 76070
Tarzan , Texas 79783
Winnie , Texas 77665
Sylvester , Texas 79560

Other city names in Texas , to make you smile.........
Frognot , Texas 75424
Bigfoot , Texas 78005
Hogeye , Texas 75423
Cactus , Texas 79013
Notrees , Texas 79759
Best, Texas 76932
Veribest , Texas 76886
Kickapoo , Texas 75763
Dime Box , Texas 77853
Old Dime Box , Texas 77853
Telephone , Texas 75488
Telegraph , Texas 76883
Whiteface , Texas 79379
Twitty, Texas 79079

And last but not least, the Anti-Al Gore City
Kilgore , Texas 75662

And our favorites...
Cut n Shoot, Texas
Gun Barrell City , Texas
Hoop And Holler, Texas
Ding Dong, Texas and, of course,
Muleshoe , Texas

Here is what Jeff Foxworthy and I have to say about folks from Texas ...

If someone in a Lowe's store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you may live in Texas ;

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you may live in Texas ;

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you may live in Texas ;

If 'Vacation' means going anywhere south of Dallas for the weekend, you may live in Texas ;

If you measure distance in hours, you may live in Texas ;

If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you may live in Texas ;

If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked, you may live in Texas ;

If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you may live in Texas

If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph --you're going 80 and everybody's passing you, you may live in Texas ;

If you find 60 degrees 'a little chilly,' you may live in Texas ;

If you actually understand these jokes, and share them with all your Texas friends, you definitely live in Texas.

If you ask for unsweetened ice tea, and the waitress says they only have sweet tea, you are either in Texas or Tennessee.

If you are parked on the side of the road, and someone stops and asks, "Do y'all need help?," you are in Texas.

If you see a pick up truck stop, and the driver fires a pistol out the window, you are watching a Texan kill a rattle snake.

If you are ordering bar-b-que, and the server asks, "Moist or dry?," that means with or without the fat in Texas.

If you see a line formed clear around the block, in Texas thery are waiting to buy bar-b-que.

If the High School football team plays in a professional stadium, you are in Texas.

If the beer name changes with the seasons, you are in Texas.

An 85 MPH sign means you are on a Texas toll road.

If you see a couple of horses at a fast food joint, you may be in Texas.

If a small town has only one fast food joint, and it is Dairy Queen, you are in Texas.

If you're ever traveling on 35, and you make it a point to grab some kolaches from Czech Stop, you are a Texan.

If the car ahead of you has a bumper sticker that says, "secede," you are in Texas.

If you see a man in cowboy boots and shorts, he is NOT from Texas.

If a Hispanic grandma is roving the parking lot selling tamales, you are in Texas.

If you can get frostbite and sun burn at the same time, you are in Texas.

If a broken air conditioner makes you panic, you are from Texas.

If you would rather stop at Buckee's than go to Disneyland, you are a true Texan.

If you drive through the whole parking lot to look for a shaded space, you are from Texas.

If you call all soft drinks Coke, you are from Texas.

If you know Taco Bell is not Mexican food, you must be from Texas.

If you know that anything can be chicken fried, even bacon, you are from Texas. PROOF

You know you are in Texas if you experience bi-polar weather.

If you know that Texas could survive wihtout the USA, but the USA could not survive without Texas, you are a true Texan.

If you have to switch from heat to A/C on the same day, you are in Texas.

If being accepted into University of Texas is better than being accepted into Harvard, you are a Texan.

If you carry cow bells to a football game, you are in Texas.

If you would drive fifty miles to get donuts from Round Rock Donuts, you are a true Texan.

If you take your wife out for dinner and eat at Whataburger, you are a Texan.

If you only eat Blue Bell ice cream, you are a Texan.

You are a Texan if the only real bar-b-que is made with brisket.

You know you are in Dallas if a bridge froze over, and there are twenty five cars and six wreckers in the median.

If you are sure you have seen a chupacabra, you are a true Texan.

If you drive with only two fingers on the steering wheel during the summer, you are in Texas.

If you know that George Strait is not a waterway, you are from Texas.

If you decided to take a trip to see America, and half your time was spent getting out of, and back into, Texas, well, need I say more?

If you hear gunfire most evenings nearby, you are either in Chicago or the Texas Hill Country.

If you know that Frito pie is not a dessert, you are probably from Texas.

If you are at work on the opening day of deer season, you are NOT from Texas.

Here are some little known, very interesting facts about Texas .

1. Beaumont to El Paso : 742 miles
2. Beaumont to Chicago : 770 miles
3. El Paso is closer to California than to Dallas
4. World's first rodeo was in Pecos , July 4, 1883.
5. The Flagship Hotel in Galveston is the only hotel in North America built over water. Destroyed by Hurricane Ike -2008!
6. The Heisman Trophy was named after John William Heisman who was the first full-time coach at Rice University in Houston .
7. Brazoria County has more species of birds than any other area in North America
8. Aransas Wildlife Refuge is the winter home of North America 's only remaining flock of whooping cranes.
9. Jalapeno jelly originated in Lake Jackson in 1978.
10. The worst natural disaster in U.S.... history was in 1900, caused by a hurricane, in which over 8,000 lives were lost on Galveston Island .
11. The first word spoken from the moon, July 20,1969, was " Houston ," but the space center was actually in Clear Lake City at the time.
12. King Ranch in South Texas is larger than Rhode Island ..
13. Tropical Storm Claudette brought a U.S. rainfall record of 43' in 24 hours in and around Alvin in July of 1979...
14. Texas is the only state to enter the U.S. by TREATY, (known as the Constitution of 1845 by the Republic of Texas to enter the Union ) instead of by annexation. This allows the Texas Flag to fly at the same height as the U.S. Flag, and may divide into 5 states.
15. A Live Oak tree near Fulton is estimated to be 1500 years old.
16. Caddo Lake is the only natural lake in the state.
17. Dr Pepper was invented in Waco in 1885. There is no period in Dr Pepper..
18. Texas has had six capital cities:
Washington -on- the Brazos, Harrisburg , Galveston ,Velasco, West Columbia and Austin ...
19. The Capitol Dome in Austin is the only dome in the U.S. which is taller than the Capitol Building in Washington DC (by 7 feet).
20. The San Jacinto Monument is the tallest free standing monument in the world and it is taller than the Washington monument.
21. The name ' Texas ' comes from the Hasini Indian word 'tejas' meaning friends. Tejas is not Spanish for Texas.
22. The State Mascot is the Armadillo (an interesting bit of trivia about the armadillo is they always have four babies. They have one egg, which splits into four, and they either have four males or four females.).
23. The first domed stadium in the U.S. was the Astrodome in Houston .

Cowboy's Ten Commandments

(Posted on the wall at Cross Trails Church in Fairlie , Texas)

(1) Just one God.
(2) Honor yer Ma & Pa.
(3) No telling tales or gossipin'.
(4) Git yourself to Sunday meeting.
(5) Put nothin' before God.
(6) No foolin' around with another fellow's gal.
(7) No killin'.
(8) Watch yer mouth.
(9) Don't take what ain't yers.
(10) Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff.

LATEST POSTS FROM BALAAM'S ASS SPEAKS BLOG

Subscribe to RSS headline updates from:
Powered by FeedBurner

 

What IS the Gospel?

THE GOSPEL OF JOHN
Learn if you are born again... Or, how to be.

THE GOSPEL

GOOD HOPE FROM THE BIBLE
Mostly Bible passages which give confidence to saints

 

Entry links to journal departments

THE QUIET PLACE Rest in the Lord Jesus. Here are a series of pages to put your mind at rest, but not with a narcotic. You will feel better after visiting here.

RECENT EMAIL FROM WARRIORS IN CHRIST I get some very thought provoking email from readers, and this is where I share their thoughts with you.

HOME MAKER'S CORNER Ladies' special helps and Bible discussions. Learn about home making, home schooling, home survival ideas, ladies' Bible lessons, and much more. This area has one of the only collections anywhere or Annie Flint Johnson's poetry.

MORAL ISSUES You will be challenged to think about right and wrong without any gray areas. Many issues are covered and answered by the King James Bible.

BIBLE STUDY Bible sermons and studies to grow by. The Bible is the main event here. We are literalists with no apology. We use only the King James Bible, and we defend it here.

DEFENSE OF THE KING JAMES BIBLE Many new articles have been posted. We believe that the King James Bible is the only Bible the Lord uses, and the one that Satan hates. We are not ignorant KJV thumpers. The whole history of both the Alexandrian texts and the Antioch texts is dealt with.

ZIONISM CULTS AND INFILTRATION Hebrew Roots, with large doses of pagan Zionism, is invading churches and demanding the law of Moses be reinstated by the Lord's Church. It also has a One World New Age connection.

THE WAR ROOM The Christian life is warfare according to the Apostle Paul. That warfare is not within us, as some mega church wimpy gurus claim. There are NO issues, teachings, movements, or heretics who will be given immunity from attack.

WARNINGS Profiles of false prophets, hirelings, and heretics

HOUSE CHURCH The New Testament Church started in home and stayed there for 300 years until the Whore of Rome organized "church" and moved into piles of stone. If you like the home based option, this section will be of great help.

THIRD WAVE-- CHARISMATIC CHAOS Nothing is making more confusion than the Charismatic Movement, with the exception of the Emergent Church and Rick Warren. I have just restored a huge number of articles on Charismania which have been updated and made easier to read.

THE WORLD OUT THERE You get thought provoking discussions of world news, mongrel political leaders, cultural issues, and more.

SURVIVAL AND HEALTH ISSUES In these last days of the Age of Grace there are many perils to all of humanity. We do not claim to be the life guard of all humanity regarding earthly issues. We DO feel responsible to warn and counselthe saints of Christ in matters earthly. Nothing it too obscure to be covered.

LEGENDS OF CHRISTIAN HEROES You will be greatly blessed to read about saints who were faithful and vigorous in the battle for truth.

KIDS Fun and stories. We are always looking for contributing writers here.

YARNS By Steve, the editor, from his life growing up as a pastor's kid, a missionary kid, an Army man, a piano tuner, a pastor, and a Texan. Some of the yarns are even true.

ONLINE RADIO MUSIC LIST

EDITOR'S PAGE Steve shares what is happening with the journal.

BIO OF STEVE Your editor's heritage as a Dutch, German, Irish, Native, WASP, and a African American.

COFFEE The lovely brew. A tutorial in coffee history, grading, roasting, and generally promoting.

SHIRLEY GOD The creed and confession of a god named Shirley.

CHRISTMAS This section discusses the pagan origins of Christmas and the dating of Jesus' birth.